A few days ago, I had the good fortune of listening to Shri Vijay Kaushal Ji Maharaj’s Ram Katha at Siri Fort Auditorium in Delhi. One evening, during his discourse, he spoke about the growing generation gap within families and the lack of harmony between elders and the younger generation. He made a very important point—that elders in the family should act as advisors, not decision-makers. This thought deeply touched me, and it forms the basis of this article.
These days, many messages circulate on WhatsApp suggesting that elders should refrain from commenting on the decisions of the younger generation in order to maintain harmony at home. However, it is painful when, despite knowing that a decision may be wrong, we are unable to guide it in the right direction.
Such situations have become common in many households. Only a few fortunate families exist where everything functions smoothly, where fathers and sons sit together and make decisions in a positive and respectful environment. In fact, there are now many families where even two generations do not live together.
Let us focus on those families where three generations—grandfather, father, and grandson—live under one roof. The way children are raised today is very different from how their parents were brought up 30–35 years ago. Earlier, joint families were common. It was not just one nuclear family, but multiple brothers living together with their children. If an elder scolded a child for a mistake, no one objected.
Today, the situation has changed completely. Nuclear families have become the norm, and relationships like uncles and aunts are often absent in daily life. Even a small remark made by one family member about another’s child can lead to misunderstandings. Patience, it seems, has become scarce among the younger generation. In such an environment, even a simple comment from grandparents is often not well received. The experience and discipline-based guidance of elders are not readily accepted, even though everyone knows that elders always wish for the well-being of the family.
One is compelled to reflect—perhaps we, as elders, failed to teach patience to the younger generation. This, too, may be our own shortcoming. In such a situation, the most practical approach would be to avoid excessive interference in the activities of the younger members. Instead, we should present the situation clearly and lovingly, and then allow them to make their own decisions.
Today, even young children often feel that they can get better advice from their friends than from elders. In this age of technology, “Google” seems to have all the answers. Naturally, the knowledge shared by elders is sometimes undervalued. When elders say something, children may immediately verify it online. In doing so, they often overlook an important fact—that the perspective of elders is not based only on knowledge, but also on years of life experience. At times, it is even seen that elders are contradicted instantly with information from a mobile phone, making it appear as though they are wrong.
Why should we allow such situations to arise? Why should we create circumstances that later lead to regret? It would be better if we express our suggestions in a manner that does not offend the listener, but instead encourages them to reflect. For example, we could say: “In my view, perhaps this problem can be solved in this way. But this is only my perspective—you should explore it further and then take a decision.” The real difference lies in how we communicate—our tone, our choice of words, and our approach. This responsibility, too, lies with us.
We must accept that while we are elders, the generation gap does exist. To a large extent, we ourselves may be responsible for the challenges arising from it. Things were different earlier, largely because of the joint family system. Today, that system seems almost like a fading dream, and what lies ahead only God knows.
Ultimately, the essence is simple: let us remain in the role of advisors. In doing so, we will remain happy, and so will our families.
Author
The author is the founder of the Never Say Retire mission. In order to achieve this goal, he also runs this website and his Facebook group Never Say Retire Forum has Hundreds and Thousands of members today.
